He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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