Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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