If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
