is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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