erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
