I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
