I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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