he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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