You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
