I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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