He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
