There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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