You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize