everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
