Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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