Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
