I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
