I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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