I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
