dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
