plz talk dirty to me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Green mimosas i think yes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize