I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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