Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
