Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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