I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
