Duck Duck Cougar?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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