I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
A+ Viking dick
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
