while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
sarcasm needs its own font
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
