Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
