hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
