sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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