Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
