yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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