I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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