dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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