so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
