If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
