I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
