He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
