my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
