did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize