I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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