The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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