I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
