i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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