just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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