Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
