Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The Olympian is in my bed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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