why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
