I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
