I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we should paint friendship bongs
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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