i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize