im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
