At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
