Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
