I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish you could order shots online.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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