They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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