There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
