Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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