Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
