my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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