There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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