I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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