Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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