Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
