Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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