I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
