Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This is the high leading the old right now
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
