Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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