her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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