She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
