Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How naked do you want me to be?
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