Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
