Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
