Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
