The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
