I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
