I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
