And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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