I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
